Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Tired of being fat!!!

Ok ... I've noticed my pants size getting bigger in recent months and I've tried to just shrug it off — chalk it up as lingering baby weight or tell myself that I'm big but I'm beautiful — but I can't do that anymore. I HATE the way I look! I am beautiful. I have always been a pretty girl — still am, but I am a fat pretty girl. It hurts but it's the truth. And I don't believe my problem is so much what I eat as much as it is that I don't exercise. I'm not lazy, but worse — I'm too busy. I really don't see where I can fit exercise on my plate, but I have got to figure it out! My husband loves me and tells me I'm hot no matter what, and I believe him. I trully believe that I am hot to him, but I don't see myself that way anymore. I mean ... today I am so depressed about the way I look that I am on the verge of tears. The last pair of jeans I bought was a size 16; now those still zip, but my belly is starting to push them down. I will confess that I have even started wearing some of my maternity clothes. I refuse to buy bigger jeans! NOT GONNA HAPPEN! And there's no way I'm getting pregnant again at this weight. Last night I tipped the scales at 209; at the doctor's office that would've been 212. I have never been this big in my life. I need help. I have got to find the motivation to get up early each morning and do something productive — go for a walk, a jog, pull out the Buns of Steele DVD — Something! I can't take it any more! Please, please pray for God to give me motivation and strength. Please don't hit me back with comments about what I should do, because I already know what that is. Please ... just pray for me. Pray for my will and my mind; pray that I become more than determined to drop this weight. I am 5'4" tall and 209 lbs — I should weight around 125-130. Please just pray for me, because I'm fed up!