Monday, February 11, 2013

Life Keeps Moving Us On!

So much going on as usual. So much to catch up on.

Well ... let's see. In case I never blogged about our church life, not long after moving back to Nashville last May, Robert and I quickly got busy looking for a new church home. We visited a few, and for several weeks visited Highland Park Church on Knob Hill. It came highly recommended by many friends and family. We really enjoyed the way the pastor taught - his method of preaching. Ellie seemed to enjoy her class. As far as I know she didn't have any problems there. We had probably been attending for about 2 months and were considering becoming members, but ... one day as I was standing in line to get Ellie from her class, I looked up and saw a man that I "had a past with." Thank God he didn't see me. On the way to the car, I explained to Robert why we couldn't come back. He seemed to understand. It woulda just been too awkward.

So then ... onward we went in the search to find yet another new church home. For at least a year before moving from Columbia, a friend of mine had been communicating with me about coming to visit her at Cornerstone Church in Madison. I would tell her that we were considering moving back to Nashville to save on gas expenses, and she would insist that we would love Cornerstone. And she was right.

She was very nice to meet me there one Wednesday night and even help me get Ellie signed up in the children's ministry. And for our first several weeks, we even sat near each other in church. Robert and I pretty much loved it right off. We loved the praise and worship, loved the children's ministry, liked our Sunday school class (after trying a few, found one we liked), and we loved the fact that we were meeting couples who we had some things in common with. Most of all, it excited me to know that I was finally gonna get a chance to spend some time with a person who I had considered one of my best and closest friends. In January, Cornerstone reformed their life groups, and I have found one for ladies only that I am really enjoying. It's like my "me" time away from Ellie and Robert. But ...

It seems as of late that Ellie is having serious problems adjusting at this church. I dunno what the problem is really ... she is mean and violent toward her teachers and other children there. She has been in trouble for kicking the teacher aids, screaming at her teacher and hitting and pushing other kids. Basically, Ellie can't go back to Sunday school unless I come with her. Can ya believe it?! My kid has basically gotten herself kicked out of SUNDAY SCHOOL!!! And church isn't the only place she is acting out. She's been a little crazy here at home too.

At first I thought it was because of the weather - this cold, wet, indecisive winter. We haven't been able to hit the park behind the house as often. Heck, we've barely been able to leave the house at all. Mostly due to having to lug Baby Jonah along with us if we did. But since my truck is a 1986 and has no air bags, I couldn't legally take him anywhere with me if I wanted to. So if I had to guess, it's because we have been stuck inside the house day-in-day-out, and day-in-day-out she has been watching me pour myself into another child that is not her sibling - much less - is not her! She is a bit jealous I think, and is acting out in any way she can to get my attention. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to understand or care that the attention she is getting is negative. On top of that, Jonah is the only other child around that she has had to play with in months, so instead of progressing she has regressed a little. It's like she acts and behaves baby-like, and then when she finally gets around kids her age she doesn't know how to act any more.

I definitely don't think it's the church, but I also am beginning to wonder if such a large church is the place for Robert, Ellie and me anyway - as a family. Don't get me wrong; I'm not about to go church hopping just because my kid got kicked out of their children's church. I do intend to do as they have asked me and attend Sunday school with Ellie because I think it is too much an important learning opportunity for her not to. I just feel like as much of an impression as Cornerstone has made on us, neither of us - Robert or me either one - have ever actually "dropped anchor and ported harbor" in our spirits. We joined by attending the Growth track classes each Sunday night, signing on as members and we are tithing there because we are being fed there (for the time being), but both of us still feel very lost in such a large crowd. There are a lot of life groups and Sunday school options - almost too many. And the one friend I was hoping to connect with? Well ... I guess it's just such a large, busy church that we just seem to pass each other in the halls these days. :-(

So ... to bring about some resolution to Ellie's behavior problems, I no longer watch Jonah; Thursday of last week was the last day I kept him. I did become very attached to him though. I will miss his little face so much, but my own child is suffering so ... what else can a mother do?

And beginning very soon, I think we will once again head out on the church hunt. We love Cornerstone, but I feel like we are not meant to be there. I feel like there is something else for us. So we will soon look into that.

What else?

My photography business is picking up and I'm gaining some more experience and clientele. I'm really loving it! I can only hope it grows and grows. I'm trusting God to do just that - to give me greater talent with each photo I take, and to give me favor with my new community in hopes of serving them through photos. I also still sell ACE and other AMS Health Sciences products and supplements. Still love that - still taking my daily doses and still selling and selling. And as always, it is making me some extra money.

Lastly, we are coming up on the one-year anniversary of my sweet daddy's passing. Just when I thought I was coming out of a dark place, I am reminded that he is still gone. :'-( Only ... he died on Feb. 29th, leap day of last year. So technically, there is no way to memorialize the day. I almost think in some small way that he did that on purpose. I know he wouldn't want me to spend any day out of the year to sit around and mope and just dwell on the fact that he's not with us anymore ... but man do I miss him. February 28, 2012, was the last day I heard my daddy's voice; what I wouldn't give to hear him again! I think about his hands, his eyes, his ways. Sometimes, it hurts being back in West Nashville because there are so many reminders of him and life before he and mama divorced around every corner I turn. Sometimes it's hard to visit my Aunt Joyce or Uncle Snapper who just live across the park. Truthfully, sometimes it just hurts to look at them, because then I remember, and it hurts to remember that he isn't here anymore.

I just miss him so much.

So anyway ... that's a sum up of what's been happening in my world. I would blog more but truthfully, it's 12:40 a.m. and I'm afraid if I continue it will turn into another blog about how much I miss him.

Till next time ...