Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Don't ask me "How are ya?" today because you just might get the truth

K. So ... today could be the day I flip my lid.

I have been borrowing my mom's car because mine died. My car is not repairable. I will need to buy another one, which there is no way we can afford another car note right now, but ... none the less ... we will do what we have to do. In the meantime, my mom has been gracious enough to let me use hers. Well ... hers broke down on me this morning.

I'm still worried about my dad who I can't get to because of so many broken cars. Today is his birthday by the way. Happy Birthday Daddy! Hope you feel better! Robert and I are talking about moving him in with us just so he wouldn't be alone any more and so I would have constant access to him.

On top of this, any money we have I can't get to because of all the car trouble and spending money here and there on car parts that have ultimately turned out not to work, then rent, our loans with the bank have fallen behind and they won't let me touch any money in our accounts.

Oh yeah ... if you try to call my phone today forget it. Because I can't get to my money so I can't top up my cheap paygo Cricket phone! So don't even bother with calling. You can send a text, though I can't text you back. But if you've ever just wanted to have a one-way conversation with me where you did all the talking and I didn't interrupt, well then, today's YOUR lucky day!

After waiting on my brother to finish his breakfast so that I could catch a ride to work, I get here and before I could even clock in I have people in my face telling me all about the phone calls they've had to deal with in my absence. I got people threatening to cancel their advertising accounts with us just because we didn't receive their stupid e-mails! So I immediately start putting out fires here at work!

Yep ... today just could be the day I throw in that towel and walk away from this job that works me 40-plus hours and pays me less than a part-time wage which is what is leading to all of our woes to begin with! Money! We don't have enough of it!

I always have my A.C.E. biz to fall back on! So far it's done me more good than my real job! It has made me money and helped me lose weight. I could make more money at it if I just had the time to work it. Hmm ... anybody else see what I see?

I bring home somewhere around $400 every 2 weeks. We pay $400 a month in child care. My gas cost about $80 a month and if we could manage another tote-the-note car we are looking at adding $260-$300 a month in an additional car note. If I do the math, then it seems we would save money if I just stayed at home!

The only problem is health insurance. That's all I'm working for! I pay $200 out of my paycheck every 2 weeks to pay for a family plan, but I'm about to say "To heck with it" and put Ellie on Tenncare! I cannot take this anymore.

And this is just the stuff I care about bringing up guys! There is a bunch of other little things that are adding to my list of stressers right now that wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for everything else.

Here's what I wanna know though: At what point should I just take all of this as a sign that it's time to move on? How do you take that first scary step. Can someone please tell me how to jump off a cliff. (I'm not suicidal; I mean that metaphorically.) It's a scary to just leap into the unknown! I feel like I'm walking blind-folded off a cliff! How do we survive if I quit my job?! What else will go wrong if I make the wrong decision?!

Robert and I are doing a lot of contemplating right now and we need direction from God to direct our path and our decisions. Anyone reading, please pray for our mental clarity. I don't think I could bare thinking I made the wrong decision if I should quit my job and then something else go wrong! I don't cope with doubt very well at all!

And please don't misinterpret my frustration at my present circumstances as a lack of faith. My faith that somehow or another God will turn this all around for my good (Rom. 8:28) is the only thing getting me through! I can't help it though if in my "go-through" I get frustrated that I don't have all the answers. I can't help it if I want to know just exactly how God is going to work all this out! It doesn't mean I'm faithless; it just means I'm overly curious ... ya know? I mean, think of our own children. Just because they ask us "why" or "how" doesn't mean they trust us any less.

All that said, if there is anyone else out there who has been thinking of buying A.C.E. or any other Saba products from me, then please know that this week's good for me! I could really use your help! I have 10-packs, 20-packs and preferred customer deals, and all proceeds would go toward a very worthy cause!

K. I'm done! Venting complete ... for now.