Original post date: Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Current mood: grateful
Because of the tragedy that took place in New York on this day in 2001, I am now born again. I will never forget what happened that day, or how it effected me and the people around me. It is unfortunate that it took over 3,000 people losing their lives for me to come to my senses. But I will be forever grateful that it happened. I hope all who read this can understand what I mean by that.
When I look back now, I can't help but see the sovreignty of God. People ask, "Where was God on Sept. 11th?" I can't help but answer with another question; "How can you not see him?"
There are countless stories that came out of the rubble about how people sensed his presence, his direction, his leading that day. Thousands of people "found" him because of that day (not that he was ever the one who was lost). He has revealed himself in the recorded prayers of the hostages of the inevitably fatal Flight 93, and also in the love they showed by sacrificing their own lives to save us from what they knew would be a fourth attack. And who is to say how many people who worked in the Twin Towers were "running late," had "overslept," or were "on vacation" ... we just don't know. God has proved himself sovereign, not just in the amount of lives lost, but in also in the amount of lives gained.
My very first blog is that of my testimony. The following is a portion of that blog, and what I remember about that day. I hope that all who read will be blessed. Please feel free to share with me your stories of that day. I especially would love to hear from anyone who was also born again in the wake of 9/11.
It was beautiful weather. Calm winds, blue skies, not a cloud in sight. As I entered the office that morning I was met with the news of what had just taken place in New York. My first assumption wasnt that of terrorism; that was furthest from my mind. Someone had once told me that government mandate wouldnt allow two born again believers to operate a commercial jet. It was said that one had to be a non-believer of Jesus Christ. I guess our government wanted to cover all their bases in the event that this whole rapture thing held any truth. And to this day I dont know if that statement is true or not, but I do know that God used it to convict me. Cause you see, thats exactly what I thought had happened: that The Rapture had taken place. (I know ya'll have seen or read Left Behind. LOL). When I paged my mother (because that was the only way to get in touch with her during the day) and got no response, it only confirmed my suspicions. I sat there at my desk contemplating martyrdom. You see, when those planes hit those two towers it was a wake up call for me. I could've just as easily been one of those 3,000 plus people who lost their lives that day. I said to myself, "Ok - thats it - I dont want to live a life of sin anymore." For the first time in my life I had a revelation of who Jesus Christ was.
All the news broadcasts were confirming the terrorist attacks. Eventually my mother did call me back. She had accidentally left her pager at home that day. Once I realized that The Rapture hadn't occurred, that I wouldn't die the death of a tribulation martyr, I began to question myself and God. When I got home that day, I shared my convictions with my boyfriend but he didn't feel the same way. Matter of fact, his words were, you're just trippin. He wasn't feeling compelled by the call to "take up your cross," but I was and everyday it became louder in my spirit. Over the next four days I was in a war of my own. All around me, an unseen, bloodless battle was being fought for my soul. I was waging God's will against my own. It had become painfully clear that I was standing at the crossroads once again. This wasn't the first time I had heard the call of God. For me, the call seemed to always create a crossroads of the lonely straight and narrow verses the fully populated wide and broad. My answer to the Holy Spirit was always, "Not now. You know I love you, Jesus, but not enough to go it alone. Im scared Lord, and unwilling to enter into that gate without a man, without that special someone. Im sorry, Lord, but call me when I have found him." You see, I wasn't getting the big picture. I was never looking at the end of the road. I could only see the path as it appeared for the now. I thought I knew what I wanted. It had always been my desire to get married and raise a family. And that's a fine goal! I'm a woman and that's how God designed me. That's a trait that he instilled in us long ago in eternity past. But I had fixed my goals on seeing that desire come to life. So much so, that I was willing to exchange the path to life for the road to perdition. I willingly settled for less than what God wanted to abundantly give.
And so there I was, standing at the crossroads once again. Only this time I could see my present path for the highway to Hell that it really was. It had finally sunk in that no plan of my own, no desire I had, no husband, no child, no life-long dream was worth hell. It was evident that I had to make a decision for me. I couldn't people please anymore. I took one long hard look at my life and decided I didn't want to live through Hell and then die and go to Hell! All I knew was: its now or never!
On September 15, 2001, I finally said yes to Jesus! I could no longer concern myself with what my boyfriend wanted from me. After all, I had come into this world without him and I would leave this world the same way! The same God that used a national crisis to bring me to my knees is the same God who restores broken lives to abundance. That same father who gave his son a ransom for many is the same father who took his son from death to life so that we might have life. He's my God and He's your God, and He's the same yesterday, today and forever! His word says that whosoever would forsake houses, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, wives, children, or lands for hs namesake will receive it 100-fold and would inherit everlasting life (Matt 19:29). And today, Im walking in the 100-fold promises of God. No, my life isnt perfect. In fact, I still struggle with serving the Lord as a single person. But I'm learning everyday that when we leave the choice up to God, hes obligated to choose the very best. ... ALL THINGS are in his hands.